General
In today’s fast-paced world, many homemakers and working moms find themselves shouldering the responsibility of caring for their children alone, even when another parent is present in the household. This situation, while common, is far from the natural order of things for humans.
The Village Concept: A Look Back at Human History
Throughout history, humans have lived in communities where childcare was a communal effort. In traditional societies, multiple adults and older children would collectively care for and watch over the younger members of the group. This collective approach to childcare is epitomized by the expression, “It takes a village to raise a child.”
The Strain on Modern Mothers
When one woman is tasked with caring for one or more children alone, it’s only natural that she would feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Whether it’s due to a partner’s demanding work schedule, business trips, or late hours, many mothers find themselves struggling to keep up with the demands of both childcare and household responsibilities.
The Toll on Mental and Physical Health
The strain of single-handedly managing a household and caring for children can take a toll on a woman’s mental and physical health. Exhaustion and burnout are common, and many women reach a breaking point where they simply can’t keep up with the demands placed upon them. It’s important to recognize that humans were not designed to navigate parenthood alone.
Societal Pressures and Unrealistic Expectations
Despite the challenges they face, many mothers still internalize feelings of inadequacy and guilt. Society often perpetuates the myth that mothers should be able to handle everything on their own, despite evidence to the contrary. This societal pressure can lead to feelings of failure and self-doubt, leaving many mothers questioning their worth as parents and spouses. Especially when they see others doing all this seemingly without problems.
But previous generations did that too!
Yes. With the same struggles, but having to keep their mouth shut because they were suppressed even more by society. And not forgetting that it was common to let the children play alone anywhere. Something that is not possible in every place anymore.
Using daycare from early age is NOT neglecting the own children
I always feel so sad when mothers (or grandmothers, fathers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles,…) tell moms that they neglect their children when giving them into daycare at an early age. That a child belongs to the mother. And that it’s such a poor child for being given away. This, again, forces the image on moms that they HAVE to be able to do it all alone. But this is just not true!
Plus, giving a child in daycare often is not a personal choice. These mothers will probably grieve themselves that they have to separate from their babies.
However, daycare at an early age can also have many advantages for these children!
Small children should have a group to develop good social skills. They need to learn from more than one (or two) adults what several facial or verbal expressions mean. Different people have a different verbal pattern and children will learn different ways to express themselves.
In play with other children, they learn how to cope with wishes and boundaries of other people. They learn how to adjust their play and interactions in a way that everyone can play together and get along well.
Take a child for example that throws sand on others to gain attention. Other children will show this child in their very own way that this ok and the sand-throwing child will stop and adjust his/her strategy. Probably by watching and learning from what other children do to be included in a game.
Learning, however, needs a save space. While children can quite easily adapt to children they do not know, behaving normally among unknown adults is more difficult for them.
Now, let’s have a look at the moms who handle everything on their own. They already have a high level of mental load due to household duties and being on top of all vaccination appointments, checkups, sizing clothes up, and whatnot. If they also want to provide their children with a good start into their social life, they will schedule many playdates with the same moms and kids or going to circles and courses. This, again, adds to their mental load.
When children don’t have a fixed circle of other children and adults around them, and being thrown in daycare at a later date or directly in school, it can cause different problems.
Depending on the character of the child it can cause aggression against other children, sadness, clinging to the preferred parent, bad sleep due to stress, and so much more, until the child finally adapted (which can take longer as older the child is). Supporting the child during this time adds a lot to the mothers stress level. Especially when a smaller sibling is already around.
In Japan, it is more important than in many other places to build a good social base for the own children before they enter school. In elementary school it is normal that classes and teachers rotate on a yearly basis, and as soon as the children got used to their teachers and classmates, they will get a new teacher and a new group of classmates.
When being in a public daycare from early age, they will be used to this form of rotation. The teachers in classes changes every year, while they keep one or two caregivers from the previous year (their save space in daycare).
Don’t let comments about your child‘s early entrance in daycare get through to you. Daycare is not bad for your child. It is a way to provide a natural habitat in a world that makes it extremely difficult to build „the village“ where the children can thrive. Actually, the daycare IS your village. Or part of..
Early entrance into daycare puts less stress on parents and children. And children are smart. Even when being in daycare five days a week and for longer stretches it will not cause them to forget who their parents are. So no need to worry😉
Talk out of the box:
When my nephew was about to enter early daycare (before age 3), my mother was very concerned because she believed exactly that: a child belongs to the parent.
I myself was in part-time daycare from age 4 or so. But we lived together with my grandparents and had close contact with my cousins.
My sister and her husband though lived like most people these days: in their own place, seeing their family and friends from time to time. Plus, my sister needed to return to work.
So.. my mother looked on the early daycare very skeptically.
But already after a short time, she became convinced that daycare was actually extremely beneficial for my nephew. She saw such amazing steps in his development and is now on the complete other side.
My son also attended daycare from a very early age. The daycare was my village. I was completely alone the first months of his life. No family, no real father support (away for work), no friends with children who would understand my problems, and a high need baby. I would have gone insane without daycare taking care of things like potty training and social interactions with other children.
When now watching the people I know whose children didn’t attend daycare from early age, and who try to manage everything on their own, I often see the toll it takes on them und sometimes also on their children…
